NORTH KOREA SAYS EXPLOSION CAME FROM CHER CONCERT

North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il today threw cold water on speculation that a massive explosion in his country last week was the result of a nuclear weapons test, explaining that the two-mile-wide mushroom cloud originated at a concert by the singer/entertainer Cher.

Communicating to the world via his widely read weblog, www.kimjongilspeaks.com, the North Korean strongman said that the massive explosion was a pyrotechnic display timed to punctuate Cher's grand finale, a performance of her smash hit "Believe."
"Anyone who has seen Cher in concert knows that she puts on an awesome show," Kim writes in his blog. "A two-mile-wide mushroom cloud is totally consistent with that."

U.S. State Department officials refused to comment directly on Kim's explanation, saying only that they were currently studying satellite photos of Cher to try to determine the exact path of her Farewell Tour.
"There is some evidence that Cher's tour may have taken her last week into the vicinity of North Korea, but it is still too early to say so definitively," said State Department spokesman Taylor Coburn.

While not taking Kim's explanation at face value, Mr. Coburn said that a "similar blast" occurred at a 1992 Cher concert during the singer's rendition of "If I Could Turn Back Time."
The news of the huge explosion has created jitters in many world capitals, with heads of state calling for an end to both North Korea's nuclear weapons program and Cher's Farewell Tour.

Elsewhere, CBS refused to air a two-hour Madonna concert without interruption, saying that such a broadcast would be in violation of the Geneva Conventions.

September 13, 2004 by Andy Borowitz
© 2004 all rights reserved by Andy Borowitz

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